I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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