Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
