Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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