I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
