I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
