I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
