i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
