I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
