and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
