so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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