so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
