hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
