No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Can you repeat that, but with context?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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