I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
