xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
