did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
