he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
ok first of all what the fuck
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