Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
