Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
