did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Randomize
