Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
