mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just had sex on a roof
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
