ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
