Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
