Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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