Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
