I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
