I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
It's just like the Real World with babies
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You ate ashes out of my bong
All the doctor said was why
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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