I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
