I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
i think i just naturally attract stoners
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
