WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
