you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
