So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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