She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
