we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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