I didn't shave. On purpose
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
