she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
