Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
