dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
drinking out of a sandbucket again
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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