and she was petting her beer can
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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