apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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