Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Come share oat with me in your robe
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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