We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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