the new term for farting is butt boxing.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My pussy is not your playground.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
