so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
