i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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