This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
