i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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