I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
