My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
