if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Four minutes until I can fart!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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