There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
