Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
