I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
