Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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