that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I party with great urgency now.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
