Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Alive.
So much puke
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
