When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
