i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
