I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
